Mirror, Mirror, On the Wall…

I’d like to welcome you all to this event, the inaugural meeting of N.A. - Narcissists Anonymous

My name is Valarie and I am a narcissist.* This means that I am unable to pass a reflective surface without looking into it and it takes tremendous amounts of willpower not to fish for compliments on a regular basis. I can’t tell you exactly when it started, although I can tell you that it did not coincide with what I refer to as awkward years 1-5 or roughly ages 13-17.

Whatever the trigger may have been, the shame is real - I can’t count the number of times that I’ve pretended to check out a store display to fix my hair. You may think I like to text a lot, but let’s be real - the reverse camera feature on my iPhone has saved me countless, unnecessary trips to a bathroom to just get one peak in the mirror - enough to at least take the edge off (methiPhone? like, methadone? get it?! ok, NEVERMIND.)

Unfortunately, this sort of thing probably won’t qualify me for help from Dr. Drew (but, then again, who has ever overcome anything in his care? Well, except that girl?) I suppose I first realized that I had a problem when I had to move and felt real emotion for the mirrors that I had to leave behind because they just weren’t going to fit. I had 3 beautiful, full-length mirrors - one in my room, one in the living room and one in the hallway so that you could that last peak in before you run out the door. This was in a 850 SF, one-bedroom apartment. <sigh> I get sentimental just thinking about it, really…

Now, look - I organized this group because I realize I’m not the only one with this problem: I see many of you primping and fixing on the train, in your cars and at your desks. We all know the first step is to recognize that you have a problem, so to move us all down the path to healthy self-love (that just seems to be begging for a dirty joke) - here are five signs that you may be a narcissist:

1       You have multiple self-portraits on your phone;

2       You were caught checking yourself out in a window when the person on the other side knocked so you would stop blocking the light;

3       You have a mirror in every room of your house;

4       You have had to apologize to your friends for constantly asking how your hair looked; and

5       Any time you see someone wearing something you like, your first thought is that you could do it better.

While we have an uphill battle in learning to avert our eyes from the beautiful reflections that we produce (I mean, it’s not OUR fault that we were born so blessed, right?!), it’s to our own benefit to learn how to open our eyes to the beauty that surrounds us everyday. Therefore, N.A. will be meeting monthly to admire ourselves for being so selfless.

* While reasonable minds may disagree as to the accuracy of this statement, I reserve any and all rights to deny its validity whenever it is convenient for me. 

xo,

Valarie